A Key to Trusting People Again
By Wendy Backlund
Have you ever wondered why trusting people can be challenging? I believe there is a key. Many don't understand what healthy trust is. There can be other reasons why trust is challenging for some and not for others. Everyone has a different lens with which they see life. Many have experienced disappointments that lower their perspectives and beliefs of people. Over time, trust can be like a muscle that isn't used to its full potential until there is resistance. The key is to trust from a place of knowing we are already fully loved and to believe the best in others.
We don't have to let our previous life disappointments dictate the hope level of our future. It doesn't mean that I trust the person to never hurt me or fail me or vise versa; it means that when disappointment does happen, I will trust them to love me despite the imperfections and weaknesses that are there. I will trust in their motives. I will trust that they are trying to improve and grow in these areas. I will trust that they are sorry for hurting me. 1 Corinthians 13 mentions that "Love believes all things and hopes all things." Can we understand that only perfect people can keep from hurting us or misunderstanding us? When we believe in the goodness and love of someone's heart for us, it doesn't hurt as much when they fail us, say something wrong about us, or get mad at us. This can be true because out of an attitude of trust, we are able to make a case for their love for us. When you position your heart in this way, I find it is far more draining to make a case against them.
Trust is similar to faith in that our trust isn't tested until the evidence seems to contradict what we believe. Many people hold back trust because they want to be able to trust "safely." I don't believe we should put ourselves in reckless situations by trusting anyone. However, we cannot raise the bar so high that we do not trust anyone. If you have no one you can trust, then you probably need to adjust your perspective of what trust means. Look at John 2:23,24: "Now when He was in Jerusalem at the Passover, on the Day of Feasting, many believed in His Name. This happened after they saw the miracles He did. Jesus did not commit Himself unto them, because He knew all men." The Greek word for "commit" means to entrust, especially your personal well-being. Like Jesus, I will not entrust my self-identity, my source of joy, and my happiness to the person. What they say about me or other people, what they do or don't do for me and others will not determine who I think I am.
However, I will trust the individual to love me, lead me, instruct me, or co-labor with me. Trust is actually a deeply held belief in the good of people. It's believing that we are already loved despite any evidence to the contrary. There are some people who we most likely cannot trust because they are abusive, destructive, or full of hate. Most people will live up to the trust we place in them.
My belief in a person will motivate them to live up to my trust. Even though they fail me, I can encourage them to keep trying by believing in what God has placed within them. The first place to start increasing in trust is with God. Can you trust His goodness and His love for you? Can you abandon yourself to the promises of God? When things go wrong, are you able to say, "I don't know why this has happened, but I know God is good and He only wants good for me." Therefore, I know God is not the problem in this situation. Determine to trust in people again. Trust in their hearts even when they blow it. Take the risk; you will make life-long friends!
ABOUT WENDY BACKLUND
Wendy Backlund, along with her husband Steve, is from Bethel Church in Redding, CA. Wendy and Steve have a unique ministry that ignites hope, passion, joy, victorious mindsets and healthy relationships. They were senior leaders of renewal churches from 1991 to 2008 (Round Mountain, Nevada, and Weaverville, CA). The Backlunds travel regularly ministering to churches and leadership teams. Wendy has a passion for setting Christians free from their past and empowering them in their walk with Christ. She is a revelatory speaker, author, and teacher, enabling people to see life from a supernatural perspective.
Learn more about Wendy and her teaching at wendybacklund.com.
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