Crucial Moment: You Get Your Feelings Hurt by Someone Closest to You
from 'Crucial Moments' by Steve Backlund and Julie Mustard
Read this excerpt written by Julie Mustard and Steve Backlund in the book, Crucial Moments, about a scenario we all know too well! Here's some tips about how to navigate situations like this with love:
It has happened to all of us. A close friend or family member has said or done something which was unexpected and hurtful to us. Our emotions flare up – we may cry, have an angry outburst, dwell on the offense in silence, or we may speak negative things about the offender to others. These situations can be golden opportunities to grow radically in our relationships and emotional responses to being disappointed by others.
WHAT TO GET EXCITED ABOUT
- You get to grow in “keeping your love on” when relationships become challenging.
- You have the opportunity to overcome behaviors like anger, self-pity, and victimhood.
- This is a chance to learn how to strengthen your ability to process relationship trials in a healthy way.
STRENGTH THROUGH SCRIPTURE
- Ephesians 4:32 – "And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."
- Matthew 18:15 – “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone.”
- Matthew 7:5 – “First remove the plank from your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.”
Prepare for some level of disappointment in your relationships – The question is not “if” those closest to us will disappoint us, it is “when.” We are connected with imperfect people who usually have differing expectations about the relationship. Overcoming disappointment in relationships is a key for successful living. This does not mean we allow ourselves to be abused or walked over by others, but it does mean we overcome the tendency of allowing the behavior of others to determine our joy and happiness in life.
Practice the H.A.L.T. principle – Never make a major decision or conclusion when you are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. Understanding our situation (or what time of the month it is) will help protect us from trying to hurt those who have hurt us. This self-awareness will be important in our being able to focus on the truly important issues in the relationship, and It will also aid us in seeing clearly if there is a “plank” we need to remove from our eye before helping the behavior of another.
Be a lifetime student of successful relationships and good communication – The quality of our lives depends much on our being successful in communication and in relationships. It is the wise person who proactively learns how to forgive, how to communicate expectations, how to listen well, how to set healthy boundaries, how and when to confront the negative behavior in others, and how to overcome any tendency to be easily offended.
- God always shows up with when I get my feelings hurt by someone close to me.
- I set healthy boundaries and am a great communicator in relationships.
- My deepest needs in life are met by God, not by another person.
ABOUT STEVE BACKLUND
Steve Backlund was a senior pastor for seventeen years before joining the team at Bethel Church in Redding, CA in 2008. Steve is a leader developer, joy activist, a revivalist teacher, and as Senior Associate Director, is a key part of the Global Legacy (a ministry of Bethel Church) leadership team. He travels extensively throughout the world encouraging churches and leaders and has authored a number of books.