Single to Married-4 Keys to Create Movement in the Right Direction

This wonderful couple, Dean and Cindy Ras, have a son Daniel and they are from South Africa. Dean is an amazing intern for Steve Backlund in project development with Global Legacy and Igniting Hope Ministries. His passion for God has given him passion for his marriage and his family, the church, the prophetic and the establishing of His kingdom on this earth. Oh and he also has a passion for coffee:)

Single to Married-4 Keys to Create Movement in the Right Direction

I found myself speaking to more and more people lately about the subject of marriage. In my discovery and past experiences, I’ve discovered in those conversations that there are perspective shifts that will unlock greater perspective to create greater momentum in life for finding a husband or wife.

 

4 Keys with a Bonus Key for the Ladies

1. The person is “The One” when the ring is put on.

There is a current trend in today’s thinking that robs many of responsibility and in turn their power. This way of thinking says that, “The One,” is out there and we need to find them in order to be assured of our destiny and happiness in marriage and life. I’d like to suggest that we play a bigger role in the selection of who we marry than we think we do. God honors covenant and gets behind wise decisions. Paul points to the role our choice plays in his discussion on marriage in 1 Corinthians 7. However you look at it, the person becomes, “The One,” when the ring is put on.  

2. A whole life is attractive.

We have been taught subconsciously through media what is the definition of attractive. This definition is a problem because we seem to have placed a higher priority on attraction when looking for someone with whom to spend our lives. My wife becomes increasingly attractive to me the longer I am married because I discover more and more about who she is. Don’t believe the lie that attraction must be instant and that it can’t grow. People are so deep and have so many dimensions to them that to only look at,“face value,”  we are actually responding to a cardboard cutout. A person's whole life makes them attractive.

3. Relationships are about discovery not a destination.

If we approach a relationship with the destination as the goal and it doesn’t work out, then we believe we failed. If we approach a relationship with discovery as our goal, then we will always end with success. If you discover more about a person and it doesn’t work out, that in itself is a discovery.This is all about changing your definition of success and that will take much of the pressure off to approaching dating and relationships.

4. Apply wisdom with wisdom.

It is so important to know yourself and your tendencies. Often if we hear wisdom being shared and our natural bend is already in that direction, then of course we would agree with the wisdom we are hearing. But we could end up applying it even more in an unhealthy way. The problem is if we don’t know our tendencies, we could end up applying increasing wisdom to the point of restricting ourselves in certain areas. For example, seldom interacting with the opposite sex. When the reality is, we don’t really need to be doing anything because our natural tendencies already are to live out that wisdom. Genuine friendliness and openness, for example, goes a long way. Sometimes we can lean more in this direction in a healthy way. For this to work, there are a couple more ingredients that help create greater momentum for marriage.

  • It requires a willingness to allow God to speak to you if you move into

unhealthy actions.

  • Surround yourself with a community who you trust to speak to you as well.

A fear of doing something wrong can drive you into a place of restriction, but the Father has designed us to live in freedom! He promised to direct us even through discipline as sons and daughters into the abundant life.

5. Bonus for some of the ladies - Initiating does not mean giving up pursuit.

Many ladies are afraid to initiate with a guy because they think it means giving up on the idea of being pursued by him. The truth, is some guys are just slow at the start. I was one of those guys. My wife did this with me and I pursued her. Sometimes you need to initiate, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up on being pursued.

These 5 perspective shifts will create momentum in your life for your journey towards marriage. I bless you on this journey of discovery and I declare that revival in families is your reality!