Being a Good Loser
By Steve Backlund
Good parents have the privilege of helping their children be grateful and not be a “sore loser” when they lose in competitive ventures.
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“Say thank you” - Parents want their sons and daughters to be grateful. They know if their children don’t practice gratefulness, they will grow up feeling entitled which will cause emotional and relational problems.
“Be a good loser” - A sore loser is someone who becomes upset or angry when they lose.If unchecked, it will produce a victim mindset that decreases favor and emotional health. Thankfulness is a main way to overcome being a sore loser.
What are the root reasons someone may become a sore loser:
Perfectionism - This belief system virtually makes it impossible to enjoy life, others, or the process of improvement.
False concepts of success - Success is not a goal to be achieved, but it is a state of being. If I need someone external to validate me as a successful person, then I am not valuing myself as a successful person.
Fear of failure - Believing that failure is an identity, not an event.
Being protected from failure - Children who are coddled and not allowed to experience the disappointment or the consequences of poor performance will be unable to emotionally handle competitive losses or when others are given opportunities or blessed when we are not.
We all have happenings that seem like losses. It might be:
Making wrong choices
Seeing someone else promoted or blessed when we wanted the same thing
Struggling emotionally
Having an unexpected expense
Experiencing relational pain
These “losses” give us an opportunity to win at something more important than what we are disappointed about. Here are some good results that can occur in us when we lose.
Celebrating the success of others - “Rejoice with those who rejoice” (Romans 12:15). Life is not all about us. As we have empathy and share in other people’s victories, we will live a more fulfilled life
Confronting complacency in us - Losing often shines light on the fact that we have not been willing to pay the price for victory.
Strengthening our soul prosperity - “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers” (3 John 2). True success (prosperity) comes from prospering inwardly (being grateful to God and people).
As I conclude this blog, let me share a story about my grandson, Caden. When he was about three years old, he and our family were in a park. As we were getting ready to leave, Caden was very slow in getting from the park to the car. To get him moving, I decided to pull out some of my high-level motivational skills and said:
“Caden, let’s race!”
He did not move at all. I knew I needed to take my words to a greater level, so I said:
“Caden, I'm winning!”
Still no movement. Without skipping a beat, Caden said:
“I’m winning too!”
“Wow,” I thought. “Caden is in last place, and he thinks he is a winner. He has some strong beliefs!”
Caden thought he was a winner because he was not in the same race as me, his grandpa. He was winning the “race” of what three-year-olds do (looking at rocks, leaves, birds, etc.).
Many think they are failures or losers because they don’t know what race they are in. If we think we are in the race to be the most popular, to be the most beautiful, to have the most money, or to be considered the most successful, then we will almost certainly believe we are losing at life in some way.
Caden was truly a “good loser”, and, in reality, he was not losing at all. And, neither are you.