Defeating the Crippling Effects of Perfectionism
By Steve Backlund
(this weeks blog is an excerpt from Steve Backlund's book, Igniting Hope in 40 Days)
“...He has perfected forever those who are being sanctified.” - Hebrews 10:14
Psychology Today describes perfectionism as “a trait that makes life an endless report card on accomplishments or looks. A fast and enduring track to unhappiness, it is often accompanied by depression and eating disorders. What makes perfectionism so toxic is that while those in its grip desire success, they are most focused on avoiding failure, so theirs is a negative orientation.”
There are four types of perfectionism that I have experienced:
Perfectionism toward ourselves resulting from a deeply rooted fear of looking like a failure
Perfectionism toward others creates hurt in relationships
Societal expectations perfectionism resulting from the media, advertisements, social media, and other forms of peer pressure
Christian commitment perfectionism resulting from legalism, a task-master- God-concept, and an inability to understand Christian growth as a process
All of us battle perfectionistic tendencies to some degree. Regardless of how much you battle perfectionism, you will find these five powerful keys helpful to your freedom from perfectionistic tendencies.
Focus on improvement, not what people think of you – Perfectionists tend to overemphasize people’s perceptions of their looks, possessions, intelligence, etc. Hebrews 10:14 tells us Christians have been perfected but also are being sanctified. When we receive Christ as Savior, we become spiritually perfect in Him. We are perfect in righteousness, protection, soundness of mind, and in every other way. Sanctification is the divinely-empowered process of getting into our experience who we already are in Christ. Healthy people focus on improvement instead of trying to present a perfect image to others.
Do something and celebrate progress – Those with a religious mindset of performing for the approval of God and others can only be joyful and celebrate when they achieve perfection This hinders them from attempting new things. The Apostle Paul had a different attitude about this. “Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me (Philippians 3:12).
Recognize those who succeed most also seem to fail most – When toddlers are learning to walk, they “fail” greatly before they walk well. Some might think they do not have the gift of walking because of how difficult it is for them. Rarely does anyone become immediately successful in life’s various components. Those who understand the process of growth will not let struggles stop them.
Redefine success – Success is not a goal to be attained but a state of being. God moves us forward and upward in influence by leading us to become inwardly successful when we don’t look successful on the outside. This is true soul prosperity. “Beloved, I pray that you may prosper in all things and be in health, just as your soul prospers” (3 John 2).
Embrace authenticity – When we open up to others about our struggles, we open the door for grace in and around us. James 4:6 says, “But He gives more grace. Therefore He says, ‘God resists the proud, but gives grace to the humble.’” This is especially important for leaders, parents, and teachers. If we are not authentic and demonstrate an unwaveringly successful persona, we withhold the whole story of our process and potentially enable crippling perfectionistic attitudes in those we lead, parent, and teach.
As we overcome perfectionism, we will increase in joy, hope, skills, and influence.
Declare this over yourself today:
I celebrate progress, not perfection
God is making me successful on the inside when I don’t seem successful on the outside
My authenticity destroys perfectionism in the lives of others